This post is about the K world, the oh-so-famous world of Ektaa Kapoor's K serials. Well, I've never had the privilege (?) of watching these sagas of emotions that are world-famous and that go on for years and years together. I just sometimes happen to catch a glimpse of these dramas, as the home manager and her other companions in the family watch them on a regular basis. I must say, coming up with a number of K titles is an innovative task. However, some things never change in these serials. My humble observations on the working of the K world:
1) Generations may come and generations may go, but the grand old lady of the house goes on for ever. Would love to know the secret of her long life!!!!!!!!
2) The hero and the heroine do not like each other, but it is always circumstances that cause them to get married. And after marriage, they discover that they are soulmates.
3) The heroine's past lover always enters her happy married life. And he always finds a way to befriend the heroine's husband and comes to live with them in their house.
4) However middle class a family might be, the heroine always has money to spend on clothes of the latest fashion and matching jewellery.
5) The ladies will always be perfectly made up, irrespective of sickness or grief. Even when the heroine is in hospital, she will have eyeliner and lipstick and rouge on. She goes to bed looking pretty and wakes up looking pretty. Not even her lipstick is smudged.
6) Most of the people have their own signature style of dressing. They are always found dressed in that style. Heard of Shanti bindi, Kashish salwar kameez and so on?
7) You can know that a certain person is the bad guy/girl by the eerie music playing in the background when he/she makes an entry. The bad girl can also be identified on the basis of her makeup. She is the one with long nails painted in scarlet and garish, silvery eyeshadow.
8) Any little occasion in the house and it is time for a grand party!!!!!!!!!!!!!
9) When a person grows older, there is no change in his/her skin or posture. A few patches of grey appear in the hair and spectacles are added.
10) Bollywood film songs can play in the background at any time, any place!!!!!!!!
11) A lady can have 2-3 kids and still slim, trim and beautiful!
12) Each single festival and each single Pooja has to be celebrated lavishly in the family!
Certain scenes and dialogues in these serials are such that one cannot help but LOL! But, Ektaa Kapoor does rock in a majority of the homes in India. So, for now, the sagas continue........
Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Friday, June 29, 2007
How the French Bean got its fiber
An attempt at writing a story for children. Read at your own risk. Any kind of damage to the reader on reading this story will not be considered the blogger's responsibility. :-)
Once upon a time, in a land called Sabjiland, all the vegetables lived together. One day, all of them got very bored. They got together and decided to have a party the coming weekend. They all agreed to participate in organizing the party. They agreed that they would have a lot of fun together. There would be music, dance, food, games, everything.
The idea excited the vegetables greatly. Arrangements were made, food was cooked, beautiful decorations were made and the Town Hall was made ready for the party. Invitations were printed and distributed to all in Sabjiland. Each and every vegetable was invited – the onion, the tomato, the chilly, the potato, the French bean, the capsicum, the cabbage, the brinjal, the lady finger, all and sundry. No one was left out.
Excitement grew as the occasion drew nearer and nearer. Every one had been asked to perform something to exhibit their talent. Everybody was eagerly awaiting the D-day.
Finally, the day of the great event arrived. All the vegetables arrived at the Town Hall, dressed in their best clothes. There was noise and laughter all around. The vegetables danced together. Loud music blared out of Town Hall. Then food was served. The vegetables enjoyed the various delicacies.
Then the time came for the best part of the party – the talent search. Each vegetable presented an item. The tomato sang a nice, hip song which had all the vegetables rocking on their feet. The lady finger mimicked a famous actor of the yesteryears, which had everyone oohing and aahing. The chilly and the potato presented a witty drama. The capsicum recited a beautiful poem. The cabbage said a story that it had written on its own.
Then it was the turn of the rotund brinjal to present something. It had decided to present a dance before the other vegetables. The musicians started playing and the brinjal started dancing with great gusto. It was a fast number and the brinjal was performing wonderfully. All the vegetables were fully immersed in watching the dance.
Suddenly, the satin robe that the brinjal was wearing got under its feet. It slipped and fell. It tried to right itself, but could not. It fell on the stage with a loud thud.
At this, the French bean burst out laughing. The other vegetables told it to hush, that it sounded very rude to laugh at someone who had fallen, but the French bean could not control itself. It laughed and laughed and laughed till it fell off its seat.
It laughed so much that it split its sides. The town tailor was called urgently and its sides were stitched.
The brinjal was furious that the French bean had laughed at it. It said to the French bean, “You laughed at me when I had fallen down. It serves you right that your sides burst open. Now you will always have these stitches throughout your life. They will remind you never to laugh at someone in difficulty.”
The French bean apologized profusely to the brinjal, but the brinjal refused to take back its words.
Since then, the French bean has always had the fiber at its sides.
Once upon a time, in a land called Sabjiland, all the vegetables lived together. One day, all of them got very bored. They got together and decided to have a party the coming weekend. They all agreed to participate in organizing the party. They agreed that they would have a lot of fun together. There would be music, dance, food, games, everything.
The idea excited the vegetables greatly. Arrangements were made, food was cooked, beautiful decorations were made and the Town Hall was made ready for the party. Invitations were printed and distributed to all in Sabjiland. Each and every vegetable was invited – the onion, the tomato, the chilly, the potato, the French bean, the capsicum, the cabbage, the brinjal, the lady finger, all and sundry. No one was left out.
Excitement grew as the occasion drew nearer and nearer. Every one had been asked to perform something to exhibit their talent. Everybody was eagerly awaiting the D-day.
Finally, the day of the great event arrived. All the vegetables arrived at the Town Hall, dressed in their best clothes. There was noise and laughter all around. The vegetables danced together. Loud music blared out of Town Hall. Then food was served. The vegetables enjoyed the various delicacies.
Then the time came for the best part of the party – the talent search. Each vegetable presented an item. The tomato sang a nice, hip song which had all the vegetables rocking on their feet. The lady finger mimicked a famous actor of the yesteryears, which had everyone oohing and aahing. The chilly and the potato presented a witty drama. The capsicum recited a beautiful poem. The cabbage said a story that it had written on its own.
Then it was the turn of the rotund brinjal to present something. It had decided to present a dance before the other vegetables. The musicians started playing and the brinjal started dancing with great gusto. It was a fast number and the brinjal was performing wonderfully. All the vegetables were fully immersed in watching the dance.
Suddenly, the satin robe that the brinjal was wearing got under its feet. It slipped and fell. It tried to right itself, but could not. It fell on the stage with a loud thud.
At this, the French bean burst out laughing. The other vegetables told it to hush, that it sounded very rude to laugh at someone who had fallen, but the French bean could not control itself. It laughed and laughed and laughed till it fell off its seat.
It laughed so much that it split its sides. The town tailor was called urgently and its sides were stitched.
The brinjal was furious that the French bean had laughed at it. It said to the French bean, “You laughed at me when I had fallen down. It serves you right that your sides burst open. Now you will always have these stitches throughout your life. They will remind you never to laugh at someone in difficulty.”
The French bean apologized profusely to the brinjal, but the brinjal refused to take back its words.
Since then, the French bean has always had the fiber at its sides.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Am I a human being?
Earlier today in office, I was reading some articles on the net. I was trying to open an article when I received the following message:
"In order to allow you to view this page, we need to verify that you are a real human being. Please enter the code given below in the box alongside to confirm."
?????????????????????????
Couldn't help but LOL at this....
For your information, it was proved that I indeed am a human being.:-)
"In order to allow you to view this page, we need to verify that you are a real human being. Please enter the code given below in the box alongside to confirm."
?????????????????????????
Couldn't help but LOL at this....
For your information, it was proved that I indeed am a human being.:-)
Saturday, June 9, 2007
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
Timepass!!!!
Here are some interesting facts collected from here and there:
Fact #1: A 'jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second. (Didn't know that! Think well the next time you tell someone "I'll do it in a jiffy!")
Fact #2 : You share your birthday with atleast 9 million other people in the world.(Wow! Good to know that I am not alone after all!!)
Fact #3: The most common name in the world is Mohammed. (Oh, really? I thought it was Priya!!)
Fact #4: The Chinese ideogram for 'trouble' symbolizes 'two women living under one roof'. (LOL stuff this!!)
Fact #5: On average, a 4-year-old child asks 437 questions a day. (Only 437??? I don't believe that!!! My cousins' kids seem to ask 100 thousand questions in a day!!!)
Fact #6: The word "listen" contains the same letters as the word "silent". (Good way of saying that you need to shut up if you want to really listen!! Jokes apart, a nice piece of philosophy.)
Fact #7: American Airlines saved $ 40,000 in 1987 by taking out an olive from First Class salads. (Wow! Talk about taking small measures!!)
Fact #8: 'Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia' is the fear of long words.(Why such a li'l word for that????)
Fact #9: The average chocolate bar has 8 insect legs in it. (I am gonna pretend I didn't read this!!!!)
Fact #10: On average, 12 newborns will be given to wrong parents every day.(Ain't it scary????)
Fact #1: A 'jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second. (Didn't know that! Think well the next time you tell someone "I'll do it in a jiffy!")
Fact #2 : You share your birthday with atleast 9 million other people in the world.(Wow! Good to know that I am not alone after all!!)
Fact #3: The most common name in the world is Mohammed. (Oh, really? I thought it was Priya!!)
Fact #4: The Chinese ideogram for 'trouble' symbolizes 'two women living under one roof'. (LOL stuff this!!)
Fact #5: On average, a 4-year-old child asks 437 questions a day. (Only 437??? I don't believe that!!! My cousins' kids seem to ask 100 thousand questions in a day!!!)
Fact #6: The word "listen" contains the same letters as the word "silent". (Good way of saying that you need to shut up if you want to really listen!! Jokes apart, a nice piece of philosophy.)
Fact #7: American Airlines saved $ 40,000 in 1987 by taking out an olive from First Class salads. (Wow! Talk about taking small measures!!)
Fact #8: 'Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia' is the fear of long words.(Why such a li'l word for that????)
Fact #9: The average chocolate bar has 8 insect legs in it. (I am gonna pretend I didn't read this!!!!)
Fact #10: On average, 12 newborns will be given to wrong parents every day.(Ain't it scary????)
Sunday, June 3, 2007
The fox and the grapes
We have all heard of the story of the fox and the grapes. I have tried to modify the original story a bit, in the light of the changing scenario in the modern times...Here it is:
Once upon a time, in a certain land, there lived a fox. The fox was known to be very cunning and intelligent. Whatever question was put before him, he would always have an answer.
Now, this cunning fox was passing through a vineyard one day. He saw fresh grapes hanging from a vine. The smell of ripe grapes filled his senses and his mouth started watering. The fox was hungry too. He looked around, but the owner of the vineyard was nowhere to be seen. He decided to have his fill of the ripe, juicy grapes.
The grapes were hanging at a great distance above the fox. He got up on his hind feet and tried to reach for the grapes, but could not. The distance was too great. He tried jumping up and reaching for the fruit, but all in vain.
After several such attempts, the fox finally got tired. He sat down on the ground to rest for a while. He was suddenly reminded of his great grandfather, who had been put in a similar situation years ago. Grandpa Fox had also tried to reach for a bunch of grapes in a vineyard, but had been unsuccessful in doing so. Ultimately, after many futile attempts, he had gone on his way, consoling himself that the grapes would have been sour anyway.
Our Mr. Fox thought, “The grapes might be sour, but maybe they are very sweet. They do smell ripe and juicy. How can I know unless I taste them? I will not give up the way Grandpa did. I have to think of a way to reach them.”
He started racking his brains for a way to eat the grapes. Finally he hit upon an idea. He called to his wife, and Mrs. Fox soon came there trotting.
He asked his wife, “Dear, would you like to have some fresh, juicy grapes?”
Mrs. Fox replied, “Hmmmm….. How nice that would be! I would love that.”
Mr. Fox said, “See those grapes hanging from that vine?” He pointed to them and his wife nodded. “I need your help in getting them. I will lift you on my shoulders and you get them. Then we can have them together.”
Mrs. Fox was only too happy to help her husband. He lifted her up and she grabbed the bunch of grapes. Then he gently put her down on the ground.
Both of them had their fill of the grapes. And, just as he had thought, the fruit was very sweet and juicy.
The husband and wife went back home satisfied and happy. Mr. Fox was very happy that he had not admitted defeat like his great grandfather had and had found a way to deal with the problem.
Once upon a time, in a certain land, there lived a fox. The fox was known to be very cunning and intelligent. Whatever question was put before him, he would always have an answer.
Now, this cunning fox was passing through a vineyard one day. He saw fresh grapes hanging from a vine. The smell of ripe grapes filled his senses and his mouth started watering. The fox was hungry too. He looked around, but the owner of the vineyard was nowhere to be seen. He decided to have his fill of the ripe, juicy grapes.
The grapes were hanging at a great distance above the fox. He got up on his hind feet and tried to reach for the grapes, but could not. The distance was too great. He tried jumping up and reaching for the fruit, but all in vain.
After several such attempts, the fox finally got tired. He sat down on the ground to rest for a while. He was suddenly reminded of his great grandfather, who had been put in a similar situation years ago. Grandpa Fox had also tried to reach for a bunch of grapes in a vineyard, but had been unsuccessful in doing so. Ultimately, after many futile attempts, he had gone on his way, consoling himself that the grapes would have been sour anyway.
Our Mr. Fox thought, “The grapes might be sour, but maybe they are very sweet. They do smell ripe and juicy. How can I know unless I taste them? I will not give up the way Grandpa did. I have to think of a way to reach them.”
He started racking his brains for a way to eat the grapes. Finally he hit upon an idea. He called to his wife, and Mrs. Fox soon came there trotting.
He asked his wife, “Dear, would you like to have some fresh, juicy grapes?”
Mrs. Fox replied, “Hmmmm….. How nice that would be! I would love that.”
Mr. Fox said, “See those grapes hanging from that vine?” He pointed to them and his wife nodded. “I need your help in getting them. I will lift you on my shoulders and you get them. Then we can have them together.”
Mrs. Fox was only too happy to help her husband. He lifted her up and she grabbed the bunch of grapes. Then he gently put her down on the ground.
Both of them had their fill of the grapes. And, just as he had thought, the fruit was very sweet and juicy.
The husband and wife went back home satisfied and happy. Mr. Fox was very happy that he had not admitted defeat like his great grandfather had and had found a way to deal with the problem.
Saturday, June 2, 2007
Super boss
Mr. Sudhanshu Pandey – the head of the sales department- was having a meeting with his sales executives. He was quite a tough taskmaster and the execs under him were scared.
SP- So, how far have you achieved the target for the month, Ravi?
Ravi- Boss, closed a deal for 250000 yesterday. Still 500000 to go..
SP- 500000? And it is already the 25th. What did you do the whole month?
Ravi- Boss..
SP- I don’t want to listen to any excuses. I want the target achieved by the 28th.
Ravi- But boss..
SP- NO EXCUSES, I said. Work overtime if you have to, but it should be done by the 28th.
Ravi- Yes boss..
SP- That’s good.. What about you, Tejas?
Tejas- 150000 to go boss..
SP- Hmm, I want it done by tomorrow evening.
Tejas-Boss, tomorrow? I wanted to take a leave tomorrow, boss. Remember, I talked to you about it? It is my wife’s birthday.
SP- First things first, Tejas. Work should be your top priority.
Tejas- Boss..
SP- I cant help it, Tejas. I want it done by tomorrow.
Tejas- Ok boss..
SP- That’s better. Shripal, is your sales report for the month ready?
Shripal- No boss, it will be ready by tomorrow evening.
SP- I want it on my table in an hour.
Shripal- In an hour, boss? Gimme some time...
SP- I don’t like repeating myself….I want it ready in one hour.
Shripal- Yes boss...
At this moment, SP’s cellphone rings. He looks at the number. Its Super Boss calling. He immediately gets up and rushes out of his cabin, shouting ‘Guys, meeting dispersed’ after him.
Outside the cabin:
SP- Hi darling!
Super Boss-**&&$$##
SP- What?
Super Boss- ^^&&##*
SP- Sorry darling, I forgot. There is so much pressure at office.
Super Boss- !!$$**&&*
SP- Sorry dear, really sorry.
Super Boss- *&&^^%%
SP- Now? You want it now?
Super Boss- $$%^^**
SP- Darling, I'm in office, in the middle of a meeting.
Super Boss - **##**&&$
SP- Ok, I'm coming
Super Boss- %%$$$((##
SP- Coming, coming, just gimme 5 minutes…
SP goes back into the cabin, where the execs are still sitting and discussing what to do.
SP-‘Guys, received an urgent call. Have to leave now. Remember what we discussed in the meeting, ok?”
SP- So, how far have you achieved the target for the month, Ravi?
Ravi- Boss, closed a deal for 250000 yesterday. Still 500000 to go..
SP- 500000? And it is already the 25th. What did you do the whole month?
Ravi- Boss..
SP- I don’t want to listen to any excuses. I want the target achieved by the 28th.
Ravi- But boss..
SP- NO EXCUSES, I said. Work overtime if you have to, but it should be done by the 28th.
Ravi- Yes boss..
SP- That’s good.. What about you, Tejas?
Tejas- 150000 to go boss..
SP- Hmm, I want it done by tomorrow evening.
Tejas-Boss, tomorrow? I wanted to take a leave tomorrow, boss. Remember, I talked to you about it? It is my wife’s birthday.
SP- First things first, Tejas. Work should be your top priority.
Tejas- Boss..
SP- I cant help it, Tejas. I want it done by tomorrow.
Tejas- Ok boss..
SP- That’s better. Shripal, is your sales report for the month ready?
Shripal- No boss, it will be ready by tomorrow evening.
SP- I want it on my table in an hour.
Shripal- In an hour, boss? Gimme some time...
SP- I don’t like repeating myself….I want it ready in one hour.
Shripal- Yes boss...
At this moment, SP’s cellphone rings. He looks at the number. Its Super Boss calling. He immediately gets up and rushes out of his cabin, shouting ‘Guys, meeting dispersed’ after him.
Outside the cabin:
SP- Hi darling!
Super Boss-**&&$$##
SP- What?
Super Boss- ^^&&##*
SP- Sorry darling, I forgot. There is so much pressure at office.
Super Boss- !!$$**&&*
SP- Sorry dear, really sorry.
Super Boss- *&&^^%%
SP- Now? You want it now?
Super Boss- $$%^^**
SP- Darling, I'm in office, in the middle of a meeting.
Super Boss - **##**&&$
SP- Ok, I'm coming
Super Boss- %%$$$((##
SP- Coming, coming, just gimme 5 minutes…
SP goes back into the cabin, where the execs are still sitting and discussing what to do.
SP-‘Guys, received an urgent call. Have to leave now. Remember what we discussed in the meeting, ok?”
Thursday, May 31, 2007
'Person'ification
I was going through some guys' profiles on a matrimonial site when I came across this:
"I am person who would like to meet the person who likes me in person and talk to that person because I believe all this is just a way of expressing the actual person can be known only if u meet that person."
Too much of 'person'ification? Can some person please tell me what this person wants to say?
_____________________________________________________________
Coincidence! Coincidence!
I received a forward on the same matter, which I am Ctrl+C and Ctrl+Ving here:
From guys' profiles on matrimonial sites:
Hello To Viewers My Name is Shekhar , I am single i don't have female, If anyone want to Marie to me u can visit to my home. I am not a good education but i working all field in bangalroe.. if u like me u welcome to my heart...when ever u want to meet pls visit my resident or send u letter.. Thanks yours Regards Shekhar
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i want very simple girl. from brahmin educated family from orissa state she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework(Homework?)
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Wants a woman who knows me better and can adjust with me forever. she may never create any difficulties in my life or her life by which the entire life can run smoothly. thank you (The principle of running life smoothly was never so easy!)
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she should be good looking and should have a service. she Should have one brother and one sister. she should be educated.(ain't it unique !! 1 brother 1 sister criteria !)
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I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I love to make friendship. Because friendship is a first step of love. I am looking for my dreamgirl who will love me more than i. Because i love myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on ........hold my hand forever !!!(The dilwale dulhaniya effect)
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i am simple boy.I have lot of problem in my life because of my luck now i am looking one gal she care me and love me lot lot lot(I don't know why but this is one of my favorites)
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My wife should be as 'Shivani' as in Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki and as Tanwerr as in KSBKBT......(Ok I haven't seen these soaps but I am sure he must be demanding too much,ain't he?)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i want a girl with no drinks if she wants she can wear jeans in house but while stepping out of house she should give respect to our cast(by not wearing her jeans? Wat the hell...)
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I AM A GOOD LOKING BOY,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A GIRL ,THEY ARE 1.THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION AND THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH. (all of us are loughing{laughing})
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whatever she may be but she should feel that she is going to be someone bride and she must think of the future life if she is too like this she would be called the woman of the lamp (I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this boy wants?)
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i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and i love thepatner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok(I am again clueless but I liked the use of "ok". The person is suffering from "Ok-syndrome")
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HI IAM VERY COOL NUATHER OK MY HOBBY IS SEE T.V AND NEWS OK I HAVE 1 CAR AND 1 BONWL OK MY MOTHER ALSO GOOD OK MY FARUET WORLD IS OK (the "ok syndrome" again)
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I am pran my family history my two brother two sister and Father&mother sister complity marred(somebody please explain how to get married 'completely'?)
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i am very simpel and hanest. i have three sister one brother and parent. iam doing postal sarvice and tailor master my original resdence at kalahandi diste naw iam staing at rayagada dist. (actually what is this guy doing? Postal service or tailor??)
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my name is muhamad and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes(height of desperation! )
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Iwant one girl who love me or my mother. she love me heartly or she have a frank she's skin colour 'normal'not a black or not a whitey. I Think the main think is heart if your heart is beautiful then you are beautiful. but i am not a handsome guy or not a good looking. but my Mom say that Iam a good guy. My father already expired . THE CHOICE IS YOUR. bye bye.(uttama purushan)
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iam kanan. i do owo businas.one sistar.he was marred.(No comments)
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I AM LITTLE FAIR INDIAN COLOUR. I DON'T HAVE ANY HABIT. (maybe the poor guy meant BAD habits)
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hello i am a good charactarised man. i want to run my life happily.idivorced my first wife.her charactor is not good'. i expect the good minded and clean habits girl who may be in the same caste or other caste accepted ...(but credit cards not accepted..???)
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my colour is black,but my heart is white.i like social service(Zebra..???)
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i'm looking out for who lives in bombay , girl simple who trust me lot should be roman catholic, LOVE ME ONLY. (Now that criterion is a must, isn't it?)
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to be married on jan-2006. working woman perferable (this guy has fixed the marriage date too! But he is yet to find a bride. I wish him best of luck on behalf of all of us. I am sure he will get one soon.)
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i would like a beautyfull girl. and i do not want her any treasure. because girl is the maharani.(Now she is going to be a lucky girl! Any takers?)
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ssc failed three times and worked with privated ltd company which not paying salary at present.(Any takers again?)
"I am person who would like to meet the person who likes me in person and talk to that person because I believe all this is just a way of expressing the actual person can be known only if u meet that person."
Too much of 'person'ification? Can some person please tell me what this person wants to say?
_____________________________________________________________
Coincidence! Coincidence!
I received a forward on the same matter, which I am Ctrl+C and Ctrl+Ving here:
From guys' profiles on matrimonial sites:
Hello To Viewers My Name is Shekhar , I am single i don't have female, If anyone want to Marie to me u can visit to my home. I am not a good education but i working all field in bangalroe.. if u like me u welcome to my heart...when ever u want to meet pls visit my resident or send u letter.. Thanks yours Regards Shekhar
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i want very simple girl. from brahmin educated family from orissa state she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework(Homework?)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wants a woman who knows me better and can adjust with me forever. she may never create any difficulties in my life or her life by which the entire life can run smoothly. thank you (The principle of running life smoothly was never so easy!)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
she should be good looking and should have a service. she Should have one brother and one sister. she should be educated.(ain't it unique !! 1 brother 1 sister criteria !)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I love to make friendship. Because friendship is a first step of love. I am looking for my dreamgirl who will love me more than i. Because i love myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on ........hold my hand forever !!!(The dilwale dulhaniya effect)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i am simple boy.I have lot of problem in my life because of my luck now i am looking one gal she care me and love me lot lot lot(I don't know why but this is one of my favorites)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My wife should be as 'Shivani' as in Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki and as Tanwerr as in KSBKBT......(Ok I haven't seen these soaps but I am sure he must be demanding too much,ain't he?)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i want a girl with no drinks if she wants she can wear jeans in house but while stepping out of house she should give respect to our cast(by not wearing her jeans? Wat the hell...)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I AM A GOOD LOKING BOY,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A GIRL ,THEY ARE 1.THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION AND THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH. (all of us are loughing{laughing})
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
whatever she may be but she should feel that she is going to be someone bride and she must think of the future life if she is too like this she would be called the woman of the lamp (I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this boy wants?)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and i love thepatner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok(I am again clueless but I liked the use of "ok". The person is suffering from "Ok-syndrome")
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HI IAM VERY COOL NUATHER OK MY HOBBY IS SEE T.V AND NEWS OK I HAVE 1 CAR AND 1 BONWL OK MY MOTHER ALSO GOOD OK MY FARUET WORLD IS OK (the "ok syndrome" again)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I am pran my family history my two brother two sister and Father&mother sister complity marred(somebody please explain how to get married 'completely'?)
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i am very simpel and hanest. i have three sister one brother and parent. iam doing postal sarvice and tailor master my original resdence at kalahandi diste naw iam staing at rayagada dist. (actually what is this guy doing? Postal service or tailor??)
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my name is muhamad and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes(height of desperation! )
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Iwant one girl who love me or my mother. she love me heartly or she have a frank she's skin colour 'normal'not a black or not a whitey. I Think the main think is heart if your heart is beautiful then you are beautiful. but i am not a handsome guy or not a good looking. but my Mom say that Iam a good guy. My father already expired . THE CHOICE IS YOUR. bye bye.(uttama purushan)
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iam kanan. i do owo businas.one sistar.he was marred.(No comments)
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I AM LITTLE FAIR INDIAN COLOUR. I DON'T HAVE ANY HABIT. (maybe the poor guy meant BAD habits)
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hello i am a good charactarised man. i want to run my life happily.idivorced my first wife.her charactor is not good'. i expect the good minded and clean habits girl who may be in the same caste or other caste accepted ...(but credit cards not accepted..???)
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my colour is black,but my heart is white.i like social service(Zebra..???)
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i'm looking out for who lives in bombay , girl simple who trust me lot should be roman catholic, LOVE ME ONLY. (Now that criterion is a must, isn't it?)
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to be married on jan-2006. working woman perferable (this guy has fixed the marriage date too! But he is yet to find a bride. I wish him best of luck on behalf of all of us. I am sure he will get one soon.)
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i would like a beautyfull girl. and i do not want her any treasure. because girl is the maharani.(Now she is going to be a lucky girl! Any takers?)
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ssc failed three times and worked with privated ltd company which not paying salary at present.(Any takers again?)
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Thollai
DISCLAIMER: This post is solely for the purpose of fun. No offence meant to any one.
On a certain day, at 5.30 P.M.
Mom: Lalita, innuma ready agalai? Kalyanam mudhinjathuku apparama kelambaporeya?
Lalita: Nee poittu vaa, ma. Naan varalai...
Mom: Onnakaga dhaan indhu kalyanathuku poharom di. Nee vandhe aganum.
(Lalita, getting the hint of what is to take place at the kalyanam, rolls her eyes in desperation.)
Lalita: Seri varein, ma. 5 minutes irru.
Mom: Kelambittu kizhe vaa, naanum appavum wait panrom.
5.45 P.M.
Lalita comes down the stairs.
Lalita: Vaanga, pogalam.
Mom: Yenna di idhellam?
Lalita: Yenna, ma?
Mom: Idhu yenna dressnu pottutirke?
Lalita: Salwaar dhaane, ma? Kalyanathuku jeans pottuka kudhadhunu last time nee vessaye, adhinal dhaan salwaar potthundein...
Mom: Idhu oru salwaar-aa? Onga coimbatore thata veshti kattipale adha polai oru pyjama, shirt madri oru top...Agra mental hospital lendhu odi vandha madri irrukku di..
Lalita: Po, ma. Idhu parallells. Ipdi dhan irrukkum. Idhu dhan fashion, ma. Yennodai yella friendsum yennakku indha dress romba nalla irrukkunu sollaral.
Mom: Onnodai friends onna madri dhaan irrukum? Po, ponna lakshanama vera dress pottunda va..
Lalita: Late ahadu, ma. Irrukkatume..
Mom: Paar, indha kalyanathilai neraya paer varaporanga. Nee fashion nu yedho pottukittu nikkarai...Po di dress matrikittu va..
(Lalita recognises THAT tone in her mom's voice and knows that it is a losing battle)
Lalita: Aiyyo aiyyo, thollai...
Lalita goes off to her room to change.
6.15 P.M.
Lalita comes downstairs again, this time wearing a formal salwaar kameez.
Lalita: Idhu seriya irrukka?
Mom:(looking her up and down) Parava illai. Ozhunga dress pottunda nalla irrukke.
Lalita: Seri vaa pohalam..(feeling a sense of relief)
Mom: Iru di, oru nimusham..
Lalita:Ippo yenna, ma? (in a frustrated tone, feeling her peace suddenly shattered)
Mom: Talai la poove illai. Po naal poo vechundu va. Pottu kuda ittukalai...Yenna dhan panaraiyo?
Lalita: Viden ma...
Mom: Kalyanathuku ipdiya varuve? Po seriya kelambittu va...
Lalita raises her eyes heavenwards and goes back to her room.
6.45 P.M.
Lalita and her parents finally reach the marriage hall. The marriage ceremony is going on.
7.20 P.M.
Lalita's parents are talking to Mrs. Unnikrishnan, whom they just met, while Lalita is watching on.
Mrs. U: Idhu onga ponna mami?
(Lalita makes a face in anticipation of some dramatic happenings)
Mom: Aamam mami.
Mrs.U: Yenna paer?
Mom: Lalita.
Mrs. U: Ponn yenna padhichirka? Yenna pannaral?
Mom: B.A. padhichirka mami. Oru nursery school le teacher-aa work panaraal.24 vayasu. Avalukku yedhavadhu paiyan irundha sollungal...
Mrs.U: Yennoda mamiyarku tangai ponnuku macchinar irrukar. Indha ponnuku parkalam nu dhan kettain..
Mom: Paiyan yenga irrukan mami? Yenna pannaran?
Mrs. U: Papanasham le sweet kadai vechurkaan. B.Com. padhuchirkan. 28 vayasu...
Mom: Papanasham-aa? Kashtame...
Mrs.U: Yenna mami..Ippolam ponnugal kalyanam pannikittu America poharthugal. Neenge yenna Papanasham ku ivlav kavalai padarel?
Mom: (thinking twice) Seri parkalam mami.
Mrs. U: Paiyan photo kondu vandhurken. Parunga..
Lalita watches as Mrs.U opens her huge purse and takes out a photograph.
Mrs. U: Idhu dhaan paiyan.
They all take turns at seeing the photograph. Lalita looks at the photograph to find a fairer and fatter version of Veerappan staring back at her.
Lalita:(whispers in her mom's ears) Misai sooper, ma. Yenna fertiliser dhaan use panarangalo?
Mom: (in a low voice) Vazha mudu di...
Mrs.U: Yenna sollarel mami?
Mom: Onnum illai mami...Paiyan paer yenna?
Mrs.U: Hariharaumashankaraputra Rajamannar.
Lalita: (in a whisper) Hari nu paer vecha poradha?
Mom: (grating her teeth) Nee vazha mudu nu sonne illai..
Lalita: Hmm...Seri.
Mom: Jadagam kudungo mami. Parkalam.
Mrs.U: Adhum kondu vandhirken mami....Idho irrukku...
On a certain day, at 5.30 P.M.
Mom: Lalita, innuma ready agalai? Kalyanam mudhinjathuku apparama kelambaporeya?
Lalita: Nee poittu vaa, ma. Naan varalai...
Mom: Onnakaga dhaan indhu kalyanathuku poharom di. Nee vandhe aganum.
(Lalita, getting the hint of what is to take place at the kalyanam, rolls her eyes in desperation.)
Lalita: Seri varein, ma. 5 minutes irru.
Mom: Kelambittu kizhe vaa, naanum appavum wait panrom.
5.45 P.M.
Lalita comes down the stairs.
Lalita: Vaanga, pogalam.
Mom: Yenna di idhellam?
Lalita: Yenna, ma?
Mom: Idhu yenna dressnu pottutirke?
Lalita: Salwaar dhaane, ma? Kalyanathuku jeans pottuka kudhadhunu last time nee vessaye, adhinal dhaan salwaar potthundein...
Mom: Idhu oru salwaar-aa? Onga coimbatore thata veshti kattipale adha polai oru pyjama, shirt madri oru top...Agra mental hospital lendhu odi vandha madri irrukku di..
Lalita: Po, ma. Idhu parallells. Ipdi dhan irrukkum. Idhu dhan fashion, ma. Yennodai yella friendsum yennakku indha dress romba nalla irrukkunu sollaral.
Mom: Onnodai friends onna madri dhaan irrukum? Po, ponna lakshanama vera dress pottunda va..
Lalita: Late ahadu, ma. Irrukkatume..
Mom: Paar, indha kalyanathilai neraya paer varaporanga. Nee fashion nu yedho pottukittu nikkarai...Po di dress matrikittu va..
(Lalita recognises THAT tone in her mom's voice and knows that it is a losing battle)
Lalita: Aiyyo aiyyo, thollai...
Lalita goes off to her room to change.
6.15 P.M.
Lalita comes downstairs again, this time wearing a formal salwaar kameez.
Lalita: Idhu seriya irrukka?
Mom:(looking her up and down) Parava illai. Ozhunga dress pottunda nalla irrukke.
Lalita: Seri vaa pohalam..(feeling a sense of relief)
Mom: Iru di, oru nimusham..
Lalita:Ippo yenna, ma? (in a frustrated tone, feeling her peace suddenly shattered)
Mom: Talai la poove illai. Po naal poo vechundu va. Pottu kuda ittukalai...Yenna dhan panaraiyo?
Lalita: Viden ma...
Mom: Kalyanathuku ipdiya varuve? Po seriya kelambittu va...
Lalita raises her eyes heavenwards and goes back to her room.
6.45 P.M.
Lalita and her parents finally reach the marriage hall. The marriage ceremony is going on.
7.20 P.M.
Lalita's parents are talking to Mrs. Unnikrishnan, whom they just met, while Lalita is watching on.
Mrs. U: Idhu onga ponna mami?
(Lalita makes a face in anticipation of some dramatic happenings)
Mom: Aamam mami.
Mrs.U: Yenna paer?
Mom: Lalita.
Mrs. U: Ponn yenna padhichirka? Yenna pannaral?
Mom: B.A. padhichirka mami. Oru nursery school le teacher-aa work panaraal.24 vayasu. Avalukku yedhavadhu paiyan irundha sollungal...
Mrs.U: Yennoda mamiyarku tangai ponnuku macchinar irrukar. Indha ponnuku parkalam nu dhan kettain..
Mom: Paiyan yenga irrukan mami? Yenna pannaran?
Mrs. U: Papanasham le sweet kadai vechurkaan. B.Com. padhuchirkan. 28 vayasu...
Mom: Papanasham-aa? Kashtame...
Mrs.U: Yenna mami..Ippolam ponnugal kalyanam pannikittu America poharthugal. Neenge yenna Papanasham ku ivlav kavalai padarel?
Mom: (thinking twice) Seri parkalam mami.
Mrs. U: Paiyan photo kondu vandhurken. Parunga..
Lalita watches as Mrs.U opens her huge purse and takes out a photograph.
Mrs. U: Idhu dhaan paiyan.
They all take turns at seeing the photograph. Lalita looks at the photograph to find a fairer and fatter version of Veerappan staring back at her.
Lalita:(whispers in her mom's ears) Misai sooper, ma. Yenna fertiliser dhaan use panarangalo?
Mom: (in a low voice) Vazha mudu di...
Mrs.U: Yenna sollarel mami?
Mom: Onnum illai mami...Paiyan paer yenna?
Mrs.U: Hariharaumashankaraputra Rajamannar.
Lalita: (in a whisper) Hari nu paer vecha poradha?
Mom: (grating her teeth) Nee vazha mudu nu sonne illai..
Lalita: Hmm...Seri.
Mom: Jadagam kudungo mami. Parkalam.
Mrs.U: Adhum kondu vandhirken mami....Idho irrukku...
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Rearranging letters
I got this from a forward and felt it to be quite an interesting read:
DORMITORY
When you rearrange the letters:DIRTY ROOM
PRESBYTERIAN
When you rearrange the letters:BEST IN PRAYER
ASTRONOMER
When you rearrange the letters:MOON STARER
DESPERATION
When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT
THE EYES
When you rearrange the letters:THEY SEE
THE MORSE CODE
When you rearrange the letters:HERE COME DOTS
SLOT MACHINES
When you rearrange the letters:CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY
When you rearrange the letters:IS NO AMITY
ELECTION RESULTS
When you rearrange the letters:LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
MOTHER-IN-LAW
When you rearrange the letters:WOMAN HITLER
SNOOZE ALARMS
When you rearrange the letters:ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S
A DECIMAL POINT
When you rearrange the letters:I'M A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES
When you rearrange the letters:THAT QUEER SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO
When you rearrange the letters:TWELVE PLUS ONE
PS: Any suggestions on what I should write about next?
DORMITORY
When you rearrange the letters:DIRTY ROOM
PRESBYTERIAN
When you rearrange the letters:BEST IN PRAYER
ASTRONOMER
When you rearrange the letters:MOON STARER
DESPERATION
When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT
THE EYES
When you rearrange the letters:THEY SEE
THE MORSE CODE
When you rearrange the letters:HERE COME DOTS
SLOT MACHINES
When you rearrange the letters:CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY
When you rearrange the letters:IS NO AMITY
ELECTION RESULTS
When you rearrange the letters:LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
MOTHER-IN-LAW
When you rearrange the letters:WOMAN HITLER
SNOOZE ALARMS
When you rearrange the letters:ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S
A DECIMAL POINT
When you rearrange the letters:I'M A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES
When you rearrange the letters:THAT QUEER SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO
When you rearrange the letters:TWELVE PLUS ONE
PS: Any suggestions on what I should write about next?
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Customer care????
A hilarious but scary forward that I received :-)
Customer care in 2020
Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Company. May I have your ...?"
Customer: "Hello, can I order.."
Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?"
Customer: "It's eh..., hold on......88986135610 2049998-45- 54610"
Operator : "OK... you're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17, JalanKayu. Your home number is 4094 2366, your office number 76452302 and your mobile is 0142662566. You are calling from home now Sir?"
Customer: "Yes! How did you get all my phone numbers?
Operator : "We are connected to the system, Sir"
Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza?"
Operator : "That's not a good idea, Sir"
Customer: "How come?"
Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level, Sir"
Customer: "What? What do you recommend then?"
Operator : "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it."
Customer: "How do you know for sure?"
Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" from the National Library last week, Sir"
Customer: "OK, I give up... Give me three family size ones then. How much will that cost?"
Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is $49.99."
Customer: "Can I pay by credit card?"
Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank $3,720.55 since October last year.That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan,Sir."
Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives."
Operator : "You can't, Sir. Based on the records,you' ve reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today."
Customer: "Never mind, just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready.How long is it gonna take anyway?"
Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait, you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle.. "
Customer: " What?"
Operator : "According to the details in the system ,you own a Scooter,...registration number 1123..."
Customer: " ????"
Operator : "Is there anything else, Sir?"
Customer: "Nothing! .. By the way... aren't you giving me those 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?"
Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records, you're also diabetic.... ..."
Customer: #$$^%&$@$%^
Operator "Better watch your language, Sir. Remember, on 15th July, 1987, you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman... ?"
Customer care in 2020
Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Company. May I have your ...?"
Customer: "Hello, can I order.."
Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?"
Customer: "It's eh..., hold on......88986135610 2049998-45- 54610"
Operator : "OK... you're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17, JalanKayu. Your home number is 4094 2366, your office number 76452302 and your mobile is 0142662566. You are calling from home now Sir?"
Customer: "Yes! How did you get all my phone numbers?
Operator : "We are connected to the system, Sir"
Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza?"
Operator : "That's not a good idea, Sir"
Customer: "How come?"
Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level, Sir"
Customer: "What? What do you recommend then?"
Operator : "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it."
Customer: "How do you know for sure?"
Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" from the National Library last week, Sir"
Customer: "OK, I give up... Give me three family size ones then. How much will that cost?"
Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is $49.99."
Customer: "Can I pay by credit card?"
Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank $3,720.55 since October last year.That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan,Sir."
Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives."
Operator : "You can't, Sir. Based on the records,you' ve reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today."
Customer: "Never mind, just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready.How long is it gonna take anyway?"
Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait, you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle.. "
Customer: " What?"
Operator : "According to the details in the system ,you own a Scooter,...registration number 1123..."
Customer: " ????"
Operator : "Is there anything else, Sir?"
Customer: "Nothing! .. By the way... aren't you giving me those 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?"
Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records, you're also diabetic.... ..."
Customer: #$$^%&$@$%^
Operator "Better watch your language, Sir. Remember, on 15th July, 1987, you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman... ?"
Friday, May 18, 2007
An ode to blogging
Main aur meri tanhai
Aksar yeh baatein karte hain
Blogging nahi hota to kya hota?
Main aur meri tanhai
Aksar yeh baatein karte hain....
Mann ke vicharon ko shayad na milti vaacha,
Shayad baant na sakte apne vichaar
Doosron ke saath,
Mann mein shayad andhkaar hota,
Kaise badhta gyaan?
Shayad aaye na hote yeh vichaar mahaan.
Main aur meri tanhai
Aksar yeh baatein karte hain....
Jab tak suraj-chaand rahe
Blogging ki pratha kaayam rahe
Mann ko zabaan milti rahe
Jalte rahein dimaag ke diye,
Dil ka bojh ghatta rahe,
Naye dost bante rahe.
Main aur meri tanhai
Aksar yeh baatein karte hain....
Jab fursat na ho baat karne ki
Kisi ke paas,
Kisi se kahi na jaaye
Kuch baatein aisi khaas,
Office ho ya ghar ho,
Jab bhi nikalni ho dil ki bhadaas,
Tab tab blog hota hai paas.
Main aur meri tanhai
Aksar yeh baatein karte hain....
Kisi se ho ladai,
Kisi se ho pyaar,
Kisi baat se ho pareshaan,
Kisi baat se ho hairaan,
Blogging hai har samasya ka samadhaan.
Main aur meri tanhai
Aksar yeh baatein karte hain....
Aksar yeh baatein karte hain
Blogging nahi hota to kya hota?
Main aur meri tanhai
Aksar yeh baatein karte hain....
Mann ke vicharon ko shayad na milti vaacha,
Shayad baant na sakte apne vichaar
Doosron ke saath,
Mann mein shayad andhkaar hota,
Kaise badhta gyaan?
Shayad aaye na hote yeh vichaar mahaan.
Main aur meri tanhai
Aksar yeh baatein karte hain....
Jab tak suraj-chaand rahe
Blogging ki pratha kaayam rahe
Mann ko zabaan milti rahe
Jalte rahein dimaag ke diye,
Dil ka bojh ghatta rahe,
Naye dost bante rahe.
Main aur meri tanhai
Aksar yeh baatein karte hain....
Jab fursat na ho baat karne ki
Kisi ke paas,
Kisi se kahi na jaaye
Kuch baatein aisi khaas,
Office ho ya ghar ho,
Jab bhi nikalni ho dil ki bhadaas,
Tab tab blog hota hai paas.
Main aur meri tanhai
Aksar yeh baatein karte hain....
Kisi se ho ladai,
Kisi se ho pyaar,
Kisi baat se ho pareshaan,
Kisi baat se ho hairaan,
Blogging hai har samasya ka samadhaan.
Main aur meri tanhai
Aksar yeh baatein karte hain....
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Gems from work:-)
I used to work as a proofreader with a medical transcription firm earlier. Today I came across my old notebook which I used at work, in which I have noted the various mistakes made by transcriptionists and the correct version. I am posting some of them here.The transcriptionists had typed in something totally different from what the doctor was actually dictating, resulting in a great gaffe. Here goes:
1) Sentence typed: She feels like putting eyes on her thighs. (How do you do that?)
What the doc was dictating:She feels like putting ice on her thighs.
2) Sentence typed: She has food flow in her legs. (Wow!)
What the doc was dictating: She has good flow in her legs.
3) Sentence typed: The doctor is happy with money.
What the doc was dictating: The doctor is happy with my knees.(Thank God the doc didn't get to read that!)
4) Sentence typed: Dr.X has agreed to treat medicine.(Good to know that science has progressed to the point that even medicine can be treated!)
What the doc was dictating: Dr.X has agreed to treat Madison.
5) Sentence typed: She has got running ears. (Great, at what speed do they run?)
What the doc was dictating: She has got ringing in her ears.
6) Sentence typed: She is a muscled female.
What the doc was dictating: She is a Moslem female.(Poor female!)
7) Sentence typed: She does lift when she is at work and some of these when she was weighed more than 40 lbs., but she lifts some of the coworkers. (Must be one amazing female!)
What the doc was dictating: She does lift windshields at work and some of these weigh more than 40 lbs., but she lifts them a coworker.
8) Sentence typed: He has no blood pressure. (Wow! How is this man alive?)
What the doc was dictating: He has low blood pressure.
9) Sentence typed: The patient was noted with maintaining sleep on the way to the clinic. (One awesome driver he must be!)
What the doc was dictating: The patient was 10 minutes late due to automobile accident on the way to the clinic.
10) Sentence typed: She noticed that the cat had no color.(No comments!)
What the doc was dictating: She noticed that the cat had no collar.
11) Sentence typed: He has likely got a stomach bulb. (Oh really? And does his stomach glow in the dark?)
What the doc was dictating: He has likely got a stomach bug.
12) Sentence typed: She licks urine all the time. (Yuck!)
What the doc was dictating: She leaks urine all the time.
Go ahead, enjoy!!!!!!!!
1) Sentence typed: She feels like putting eyes on her thighs. (How do you do that?)
What the doc was dictating:She feels like putting ice on her thighs.
2) Sentence typed: She has food flow in her legs. (Wow!)
What the doc was dictating: She has good flow in her legs.
3) Sentence typed: The doctor is happy with money.
What the doc was dictating: The doctor is happy with my knees.(Thank God the doc didn't get to read that!)
4) Sentence typed: Dr.X has agreed to treat medicine.(Good to know that science has progressed to the point that even medicine can be treated!)
What the doc was dictating: Dr.X has agreed to treat Madison.
5) Sentence typed: She has got running ears. (Great, at what speed do they run?)
What the doc was dictating: She has got ringing in her ears.
6) Sentence typed: She is a muscled female.
What the doc was dictating: She is a Moslem female.(Poor female!)
7) Sentence typed: She does lift when she is at work and some of these when she was weighed more than 40 lbs., but she lifts some of the coworkers. (Must be one amazing female!)
What the doc was dictating: She does lift windshields at work and some of these weigh more than 40 lbs., but she lifts them a coworker.
8) Sentence typed: He has no blood pressure. (Wow! How is this man alive?)
What the doc was dictating: He has low blood pressure.
9) Sentence typed: The patient was noted with maintaining sleep on the way to the clinic. (One awesome driver he must be!)
What the doc was dictating: The patient was 10 minutes late due to automobile accident on the way to the clinic.
10) Sentence typed: She noticed that the cat had no color.(No comments!)
What the doc was dictating: She noticed that the cat had no collar.
11) Sentence typed: He has likely got a stomach bulb. (Oh really? And does his stomach glow in the dark?)
What the doc was dictating: He has likely got a stomach bug.
12) Sentence typed: She licks urine all the time. (Yuck!)
What the doc was dictating: She leaks urine all the time.
Go ahead, enjoy!!!!!!!!
Friday, May 4, 2007
What's in a name?
This is an excerpt from an actual call made by the marketing team in our office to a customer:
Marketing executive: Good afternoon, this is M$$$$$$ calling from xxxx. I would like to talk to you about a membership in our firm.
Customer: Good afternoon, M@@@@@@. Tell me.
Marketing executive: Madam, M$$$$$$ here. Can I talk to you now? Are you free?
Customer: Can you please say your name in Hindi? (???????)
I would love to know how one says one's name in Hindi! :-)
Marketing executive: Good afternoon, this is M$$$$$$ calling from xxxx. I would like to talk to you about a membership in our firm.
Customer: Good afternoon, M@@@@@@. Tell me.
Marketing executive: Madam, M$$$$$$ here. Can I talk to you now? Are you free?
Customer: Can you please say your name in Hindi? (???????)
I would love to know how one says one's name in Hindi! :-)
Monday, April 30, 2007
Surprise! Surprise!
It was his birthday. She had a surprise gift for him and was asking him to guess what it could be.
She-Darling, just guess what I got you for your birthday! (Smiles slyly)
He-(Thinking 'These females!') A vacation for two in Paris?
She-Nope. Be practical, sweetie. Where would we leave the kids?
He-(flustered) Hmm....Didn't think about that. A tie?
She-Wrong again. I know you love ties, but you already have 128 ties. Why would I buy one more?
He-(thinking of her equally large collection of lipsticks, but sensing that it would be unfit to mention it now) A deo maybe?
She-Jaanu, you forgot! I gave you that on your last to last birthday. I wouldn't give the same gift twice, you know!
He-(beginning to get irritated) Then, a shirt?
She-(swats him on the arm like a typical housewife) You wear nothing but those horrible whites and greys. No way I would buy you one.
He-(crossing his fingers) Tickets to a movie, then?
She-Wrong, wrong and wrong. Is there any movie worth watching nowadays? I wouldn't take you to see some crap movie about infidelity and extra-marital relationships.
He-(thinking 'If you don't take me, won't I see it?') Of course, sweetheart. Cufflinks?
She-No. My parents gave you that on our second anniversary. You've never worn them. Now that's really bad. (Blows up her face like a kid who has been refused a chocolate bar)
He-(in a placating tone) I love them, jaanu. Honestly. I haven't had the occasion to wear them. Now, I will, ok?
She-(smiles) Ok, now guess again....
He-(nervously) Baba Ramdev's exercise CD? You did tell me my tummy is protruding these days.
She-Nope. That's not the kind of thing to gift for a birthday. You guys, never know when to buy what!
He-(relieved, but sensing deeper trouble) A candlelight dinner?
She-(bangs her hand on her forehead) Practicality, jaanu, practicality. We are past those days now. I wouldn't spend 1500 bucks to not even be able to see what I am eating.
He-(on the edge of his chair now) Have you cooked something special then? Remember, on my last birthday, you had learnt some new recipe from next-door Malini aunty and had made it for me? (Mentally pictures something white, gooey and yucky)
She-(laughs out loud) You still remember that? That was a Gujarati speciality. Remind me to make it again. You seem to like it so much. Ok now, don't divert my attention. Try to guess one last time.
He-(really worried now) Is your mother coming over? (Thinks of the last time when he had had the esteemed visitor over and the pains that he had had to take to impress her, pray with her, help laying the table and enjoy the various 'experiments' that mother and daughter made up in the kitchen every day)
She-(bringing him out of his reverie) No dear. Unfortunately, that's not the surprise. I know you love it when she comes over. You are her favourite jamaai too. We'll invite her over soon.
He-(literally on the verge of pulling out his hair) Darling, why don't you tell me now? I can't seem to think of anything.
She-(in a soft voice, as if she is discussing the greatest secret of the universe) Remember, we went to a party last week? You introduced me to your colleague's wife, Mrs. Khanna?
He-(heartbeats rising) What about that?
She-(batting her eyelids) I have also decided to become glamourous like her. For you, jaanu. So that people can envy you. A glamourous wife - that's my gift to you this time.
He-(smiling weakly) Thanks darling. But what are you exactly planning to do?
She-I bought 2 new sarees - you know, the ones with stone work? It is all the rage on T.V. soaps now. And I bought 3 fashionable short kurtis. You'll just love them!!!
He-(inwardly cringing, thinking of the cost that would involve) But jaanu, I love you just the way you are.....
She-Chho chhhweeeet! I know, darling. That's exactly why I love you so much. But I know you inwardly wish I were trendy and hip. Don't worry, I'll do it for you.
He-(feeling dumbstruck) I really love you, sweetheart.
She-(smiling broadly) And, you know, I got a manicure, a pedicure, a bleach, a wax and a facial. And as the bill exceeded Rs. 1500, I'll get a glam haircut absolutely FREE next week! Isn't that exciting?
He-(thinking, "Rs.1500? Dikhta toh nahi hai!") That's great, sweetie.
She-Just 3 more sittings and I'll be positively glowing like Mrs. Khanna. Wouldn't you love that?
He-(Trying to figure out what is 3 times 1500, failing miserably) Sweetheart, there is no need for all this, but I know you won't listen. Go ahead.....
She-Thanks jaanu, I knew you would say that exactly.
He-(Smiling weakly) Love you, sweetie. Now, would you please excuse me? I need to go to the bathroom......
She-Darling, just guess what I got you for your birthday! (Smiles slyly)
He-(Thinking 'These females!') A vacation for two in Paris?
She-Nope. Be practical, sweetie. Where would we leave the kids?
He-(flustered) Hmm....Didn't think about that. A tie?
She-Wrong again. I know you love ties, but you already have 128 ties. Why would I buy one more?
He-(thinking of her equally large collection of lipsticks, but sensing that it would be unfit to mention it now) A deo maybe?
She-Jaanu, you forgot! I gave you that on your last to last birthday. I wouldn't give the same gift twice, you know!
He-(beginning to get irritated) Then, a shirt?
She-(swats him on the arm like a typical housewife) You wear nothing but those horrible whites and greys. No way I would buy you one.
He-(crossing his fingers) Tickets to a movie, then?
She-Wrong, wrong and wrong. Is there any movie worth watching nowadays? I wouldn't take you to see some crap movie about infidelity and extra-marital relationships.
He-(thinking 'If you don't take me, won't I see it?') Of course, sweetheart. Cufflinks?
She-No. My parents gave you that on our second anniversary. You've never worn them. Now that's really bad. (Blows up her face like a kid who has been refused a chocolate bar)
He-(in a placating tone) I love them, jaanu. Honestly. I haven't had the occasion to wear them. Now, I will, ok?
She-(smiles) Ok, now guess again....
He-(nervously) Baba Ramdev's exercise CD? You did tell me my tummy is protruding these days.
She-Nope. That's not the kind of thing to gift for a birthday. You guys, never know when to buy what!
He-(relieved, but sensing deeper trouble) A candlelight dinner?
She-(bangs her hand on her forehead) Practicality, jaanu, practicality. We are past those days now. I wouldn't spend 1500 bucks to not even be able to see what I am eating.
He-(on the edge of his chair now) Have you cooked something special then? Remember, on my last birthday, you had learnt some new recipe from next-door Malini aunty and had made it for me? (Mentally pictures something white, gooey and yucky)
She-(laughs out loud) You still remember that? That was a Gujarati speciality. Remind me to make it again. You seem to like it so much. Ok now, don't divert my attention. Try to guess one last time.
He-(really worried now) Is your mother coming over? (Thinks of the last time when he had had the esteemed visitor over and the pains that he had had to take to impress her, pray with her, help laying the table and enjoy the various 'experiments' that mother and daughter made up in the kitchen every day)
She-(bringing him out of his reverie) No dear. Unfortunately, that's not the surprise. I know you love it when she comes over. You are her favourite jamaai too. We'll invite her over soon.
He-(literally on the verge of pulling out his hair) Darling, why don't you tell me now? I can't seem to think of anything.
She-(in a soft voice, as if she is discussing the greatest secret of the universe) Remember, we went to a party last week? You introduced me to your colleague's wife, Mrs. Khanna?
He-(heartbeats rising) What about that?
She-(batting her eyelids) I have also decided to become glamourous like her. For you, jaanu. So that people can envy you. A glamourous wife - that's my gift to you this time.
He-(smiling weakly) Thanks darling. But what are you exactly planning to do?
She-I bought 2 new sarees - you know, the ones with stone work? It is all the rage on T.V. soaps now. And I bought 3 fashionable short kurtis. You'll just love them!!!
He-(inwardly cringing, thinking of the cost that would involve) But jaanu, I love you just the way you are.....
She-Chho chhhweeeet! I know, darling. That's exactly why I love you so much. But I know you inwardly wish I were trendy and hip. Don't worry, I'll do it for you.
He-(feeling dumbstruck) I really love you, sweetheart.
She-(smiling broadly) And, you know, I got a manicure, a pedicure, a bleach, a wax and a facial. And as the bill exceeded Rs. 1500, I'll get a glam haircut absolutely FREE next week! Isn't that exciting?
He-(thinking, "Rs.1500? Dikhta toh nahi hai!") That's great, sweetie.
She-Just 3 more sittings and I'll be positively glowing like Mrs. Khanna. Wouldn't you love that?
He-(Trying to figure out what is 3 times 1500, failing miserably) Sweetheart, there is no need for all this, but I know you won't listen. Go ahead.....
She-Thanks jaanu, I knew you would say that exactly.
He-(Smiling weakly) Love you, sweetie. Now, would you please excuse me? I need to go to the bathroom......
Friday, April 27, 2007
The VVIP
She enters the house head held high, tall and gallant. After all, she has a monopoly. There is no one else quite like her.
Her appearance in the house lights up faces with smiles. Wherever she goes, people heave a sigh on relief on seeing her, knowing that their problems would now definitely be addressed.
For Amma, she is indispensable. Amma just dotes on her. Sometimes, poor me and dad have to become the butt of her scoldings if we hinder the lady's work.
She is the most welcome visitor around, to whom people unfailingly say, "Would like to meet you tomorrow too!"
According to our neighbour, she makes life worth living. She cannot imagine life without the presence of the great lady.
The VVIP is - our kamwaali bai.
Her appearance in the house lights up faces with smiles. Wherever she goes, people heave a sigh on relief on seeing her, knowing that their problems would now definitely be addressed.
For Amma, she is indispensable. Amma just dotes on her. Sometimes, poor me and dad have to become the butt of her scoldings if we hinder the lady's work.
She is the most welcome visitor around, to whom people unfailingly say, "Would like to meet you tomorrow too!"
According to our neighbour, she makes life worth living. She cannot imagine life without the presence of the great lady.
The VVIP is - our kamwaali bai.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
A sad attempt at humour
What is red and has black stripes?
An angry zebra.
What is blue and has black stripes?
A sad zebra.
What is yellow and has black stripes?
A zebra down with jaundice.
What is green and has black stripes?
A zebra jealous of a fellow zebra.
What is white and has black stripes?
Dumbo, every zebra!
An angry zebra.
What is blue and has black stripes?
A sad zebra.
What is yellow and has black stripes?
A zebra down with jaundice.
What is green and has black stripes?
A zebra jealous of a fellow zebra.
What is white and has black stripes?
Dumbo, every zebra!
Monday, April 16, 2007
Employee Rules
I got this from the net and found it HILARIOUS! :
A circular was found in one of the office notice boards
Dear STAFF ,Please be advised that these are NEW rules and regulations implemented to raise the efficiency of our firm.
TRANSPORTATION :It is advised that you come to work driving a car according to your salary.a) If we see you driving a Honda, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.b) If you drive a 10 year old car or taking public transportation, we assume you must have lots of savings therefore you do not need a raise.c) If you drive a Pickup, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
ANNUAL LEAVE :Each employee will receive 52 Annual Leave days a year ( Wow! said 1 employee).- They are called Sunday’s.
LUNCH BREAK :a) Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.b) Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.c) Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.
SICK DAYS :We will no longer accept a doctor Medical Cert as proof of sickness.- If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
TOILET USE :Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets.a) There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the cubicles.b) At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the door will open and a picture will be taken.c) After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the “Chronic Offenders” category.d) Subsequent pictures will be sold at public auctions to raise money to pay your salary.
SURGERY :As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs.- You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact.- To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
INTERNET USAGE :All personal Internet usage will be recorded and charges will be deducted from your bonus (if any) and if we decide not to give you any, charges will be deducted from your salary.- Important Note : Charges applicable as Rs.20 per minute as we have 4MB connection.
Just for information, 73% of staff will not be entitled to any salary for next 3 months as their Internet charges have exceeded their 3 months salary.
__________________________________________________________
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience.Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
Best regards,HRD
A circular was found in one of the office notice boards
Dear STAFF ,Please be advised that these are NEW rules and regulations implemented to raise the efficiency of our firm.
TRANSPORTATION :It is advised that you come to work driving a car according to your salary.a) If we see you driving a Honda, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.b) If you drive a 10 year old car or taking public transportation, we assume you must have lots of savings therefore you do not need a raise.c) If you drive a Pickup, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
ANNUAL LEAVE :Each employee will receive 52 Annual Leave days a year ( Wow! said 1 employee).- They are called Sunday’s.
LUNCH BREAK :a) Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.b) Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.c) Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.
SICK DAYS :We will no longer accept a doctor Medical Cert as proof of sickness.- If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
TOILET USE :Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets.a) There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the cubicles.b) At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the door will open and a picture will be taken.c) After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the “Chronic Offenders” category.d) Subsequent pictures will be sold at public auctions to raise money to pay your salary.
SURGERY :As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs.- You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact.- To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
INTERNET USAGE :All personal Internet usage will be recorded and charges will be deducted from your bonus (if any) and if we decide not to give you any, charges will be deducted from your salary.- Important Note : Charges applicable as Rs.20 per minute as we have 4MB connection.
Just for information, 73% of staff will not be entitled to any salary for next 3 months as their Internet charges have exceeded their 3 months salary.
__________________________________________________________
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience.Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
Best regards,HRD
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Sensational translation
I found this on the net and just loved it! The English translation of the Hindi song 'Beedi Jalai Le Jigar Se Piya'. I am putting it up on my blog:
DAAN DOONG DUDUNG DAAN DOONG DUDUNG……
NOT GLASS
NOT STOLE
COLD AIR IS ALSO AGAINST US
MOTHER IN LAW ( SASSSURRRIII…..!!!!!!!!)
NOT GLASS
NOT STOLE
COLD AIR IS ALSO AGAINST
MOTHER IN LAW ( SASSSURRRIII…..!!!!)
ITS SO CHILLY TAKE SOMEBODY’S QUILT GO AND TAKE FIRE FROM NEIGHBORS STOVE
TAKE FIRE FROM NEIGHBORS STOVE
LIT UP THE CIGGI FROM LIVER OH LOVER
THERE IS LOT OF FIRE IN THE LIVER
DAAN DOONG DUDUNG DAAN DOONG DUDUNG……
DONT NOT TAKE OUT SMOKE FROM THE LIPS DONT NOT TAKE OUT SMOKE FROM THE LIPS THE WORLD IS VERY CROOKED
LIT UP THE CIGGI FROM LIVER OH LOVER
THERE IS LOT OF FIRE IN THE LIVER
IT’S SO CHILLY TAKE SOMEBODY’S QUILT GO AND TAKE FIRE FROM NEIGHBORS STOVE
TAKE FIRE FROM NEIGHBORS STOVE
NOT GLASS
NOT STOLE
OLD AIR IS ALSO AGAINST
MOTHER IN LAW
ITS SO CHILLY TAKE SOMEBODY’S QUILT GO AND TAKE FIRE FROM NEIGHBORS STOVE
TAKE FIRE FROM NEIGHBORS STOVE
YEAH YEAH
NOT CRIME
NOT CHAOS
WITHOUT SIN DIED
U CALLED ME IN THE AFTER NOON
TALKED BANGALES
MASKED HIMSELF
BURN THE SMALL STOVE 4M FROM LIVER OH LOVER
THRE IS LOT OF FIRE IN THE LIVER
LIT UP THE CIGGI FROM LIVER OH LOVER
THERE IS LOT OF FIRE IN THE LIVER
NOT EVEN KINFE SHAPRPNEES
NOT EVEN PLOUGH OR PLOUGHER
BITE SO THAT IT LEAVE IMPRINTS
THIS CROP ANY FARMER VILL LEAVE
MAKE HOUSE OF CRUEL LIKE THIS CATO (billo)
MAKE HOUSE OF CRUEL LIKE THIS
CRUEL LIKE THIS
CRUEL LIKE THIS
MAKE HOUSE OF CRUEL LIKE THIS
NOT EVEN CALLED ME
NOT EVEN TOLD ME
U WOKE ME UP 4M SLEEP
I DONT KNOW 4M VER THIS FATE CAME
HE CAME NEAR BY MAKING ME EAT CARDAEMOM
BURN THE COAL FROM LIVER OH LOVER
THERE IS LOT OF FIRE IN THE LIVER
DAAN DOONG DUDUNG DAAN DOONG DUDUNG……
NOT GLASS
NOT STOLE
COLD AIR IS ALSO AGAINST US
MOTHER IN LAW ( SASSSURRRIII…..!!!!!!!!)
NOT GLASS
NOT STOLE
COLD AIR IS ALSO AGAINST
MOTHER IN LAW ( SASSSURRRIII…..!!!!)
ITS SO CHILLY TAKE SOMEBODY’S QUILT GO AND TAKE FIRE FROM NEIGHBORS STOVE
TAKE FIRE FROM NEIGHBORS STOVE
LIT UP THE CIGGI FROM LIVER OH LOVER
THERE IS LOT OF FIRE IN THE LIVER
DAAN DOONG DUDUNG DAAN DOONG DUDUNG……
DONT NOT TAKE OUT SMOKE FROM THE LIPS DONT NOT TAKE OUT SMOKE FROM THE LIPS THE WORLD IS VERY CROOKED
LIT UP THE CIGGI FROM LIVER OH LOVER
THERE IS LOT OF FIRE IN THE LIVER
IT’S SO CHILLY TAKE SOMEBODY’S QUILT GO AND TAKE FIRE FROM NEIGHBORS STOVE
TAKE FIRE FROM NEIGHBORS STOVE
NOT GLASS
NOT STOLE
OLD AIR IS ALSO AGAINST
MOTHER IN LAW
ITS SO CHILLY TAKE SOMEBODY’S QUILT GO AND TAKE FIRE FROM NEIGHBORS STOVE
TAKE FIRE FROM NEIGHBORS STOVE
YEAH YEAH
NOT CRIME
NOT CHAOS
WITHOUT SIN DIED
U CALLED ME IN THE AFTER NOON
TALKED BANGALES
MASKED HIMSELF
BURN THE SMALL STOVE 4M FROM LIVER OH LOVER
THRE IS LOT OF FIRE IN THE LIVER
LIT UP THE CIGGI FROM LIVER OH LOVER
THERE IS LOT OF FIRE IN THE LIVER
NOT EVEN KINFE SHAPRPNEES
NOT EVEN PLOUGH OR PLOUGHER
BITE SO THAT IT LEAVE IMPRINTS
THIS CROP ANY FARMER VILL LEAVE
MAKE HOUSE OF CRUEL LIKE THIS CATO (billo)
MAKE HOUSE OF CRUEL LIKE THIS
CRUEL LIKE THIS
CRUEL LIKE THIS
MAKE HOUSE OF CRUEL LIKE THIS
NOT EVEN CALLED ME
NOT EVEN TOLD ME
U WOKE ME UP 4M SLEEP
I DONT KNOW 4M VER THIS FATE CAME
HE CAME NEAR BY MAKING ME EAT CARDAEMOM
BURN THE COAL FROM LIVER OH LOVER
THERE IS LOT OF FIRE IN THE LIVER
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